Why "I want to stop" is not enough? About the difference between the desire for change and the readiness for treatment.

“I want to stop.”

When a family hears these words, hope appears. Sometimes overwhelming hope. Sometimes desperate hope. And then… a few days or weeks pass, and everything returns to where it started.

Why does this happen? Is the person lying? Do they not really want treatment? Or is something else going on?

In reality, wanting to stop is not the same as being ready for treatment. Until we understand that difference, frustration, helplessness, and repeated relapses are likely to continue.
 

The Desire to Change – Where Does It Come From?

The desire to quit often appears:

• after a crisis (conflict, loss, threat),

• after health or legal consequences,

• under pressure from loved ones,

• out of shame or guilt,

• from fear of losing relationships.

This is an important moment. But it is not yet treatment.

Desire is often an emotional impulse — powerful but short-lived. When emotions settle and everyday life returns, addiction can regain control.
 

What Does Readiness for Treatment Really Mean?

Readiness goes far deeper than a declaration. It is an internal decision that:

• “I cannot handle this alone.”

• “I need help.”

• “Therapy will be difficult, but necessary.”

• “I do not want to live this way anymore.”
   

Readiness means agreeing to:

• confront oneself honestly,

• change one’s lifestyle,

• give up the illusion of control,

• take responsibility for the recovery process.

This does not always come immediately.
 

Why Good Intentions Are Often Not Enough

Addiction is not a lack of willpower. It is a defense mechanism protecting a person from pain, emotions, trauma, or emptiness.

That is why someone may:

• sincerely want to stop,

• yet feel terrified of therapy,

• promise change while avoiding treatment,

• believe “this time I can manage alone.”

Not because they do not want change — but because they are not yet ready to face what lies beneath the addiction.
 

The Stages of Becoming Ready

Readiness usually develops gradually:

Denial – “It’s not that bad.”Ambivalence – “I want to stop, but…”Fear of change – “I’m afraid of what comes next.”Acceptance – “I have an addiction.”Decision – “I need treatment.”

Each stage has meaning. Each is part of the journey.
 

Signs Someone Is Truly Becoming Ready

Real readiness is often visible in behavior rather than words:

• curiosity about therapy instead of promises,

• asking practical questions about treatment,

• stopping the search for “quick fixes,”

• admitting helplessness,

• accepting outside support,

• taking responsibility for choices.

This is a moment to support gently — not to force.
 

What About the Family? Wait or Push?

This is one of the most difficult questions.

Too much pressure can:

• strengthen resistance,

• increase dishonesty,

• lead to “fake treatment” just to restore peace.

Passive waiting can:

• prolong suffering,

• reinforce addiction patterns,

• damage relationships.

That is why it is crucial to focus on:

• clear boundaries,

• consistency,

• support without rescuing,

• professional guidance.
   

How Monar Supports the Process of Readiness

At the Monar treatment center in Kębliny near Łódź, we understand that not everyone arrives at therapy at the same stage.

That is why we:

• work without judgment,

• help individuals understand the mechanisms of addiction,

• support families in setting healthy boundaries,

• accompany people as they mature into their decision,

• offer a realistic path — not false promises.

Readiness can be built. It cannot be forced.
 

A Final Thought

If you hear “I want to stop,” do not ignore it. But do not treat it as a guarantee of change.

Sometimes the most important steps are:

• to stop rescuing,

• to begin understanding,

• to allow the addicted person to reach their own decision.

It is difficult.

But very often, this is where real treatment truly begins.

Monar Kębliny.