I don't want to go to therapy" How to talk to a person with an addiction who denies the problem?

“I Don’t Have a Problem.” – How to Talk to Someone in Denial

“I don’t have a problem.”“You’re all picking on me.”“Therapy? I’m not some addict or alcoholic!”

Many parents, partners, and friends of people struggling with addiction know these words well. Denial is not cruelty — it is a defense mechanism, often stronger than the substance itself.

How do you talk to someone who rejects help? Can you “convince” a person to seek treatment if they don’t see a problem? Do you have to wait until they hit rock bottom?

There is no single answer. But there are wise and effective ways to talk without causing more harm — and without giving up.

🔹 1. Understand: Denial Is Part of the Disease

Addiction changes the way a person thinks. Someone struggling with substance use may:

• minimize the problem (“It’s only once in a while.”)

• rationalize (“I have a stressful job — everyone does this.”)

• blame others (“If you didn’t stress me out, I wouldn’t use.”)

• avoid confrontation because they fear the truth

This does not mean they feel nothing is wrong. But admitting addiction can feel like agreeing to completely rebuild their life. Fear, shame, and hopelessness hold them tightly in place.

🔹 2. Don’t Say: “You’re an Addict.”

Say: “I’m worried because I see…”

Direct labeling (“You’re addicted,” “You’re a junkie,” “You have a problem”) immediately triggers resistance. The person in denial switches to defense mode.

Try instead:

🗣️ “I’m worried because you haven’t come home sober lately.”🗣️ “It hurts me that you missed work again after the weekend.”🗣️ “I see changes in you, and I’m not sure this is really you anymore.”

Speak about your feelings and observable facts — not accusations.

🔹 3. Don’t Try to Win the Argument

This is not a debate to win. The goal is not to corner the person — it is to open a door, even slightly.

So:

• Don’t shout.

• Don’t use sarcasm.

• Don’t repeat the same accusations over and over (they’ve heard them all before and have ready counterarguments).

Instead, be present, calm, and firm at the same time.

🔹 4. Offer a Small, Realistic Step — Not “Full Therapy” Immediately

For many, therapy sounds like punishment or a final verdict.

Consider suggesting something smaller:

• a single consultation with a therapist,

• an initial visit to a treatment center (such as Monar in Kębliny near Łódź),

• attending a support group as a guest,

• a short detox program “just to try.”

A small step increases the chance that it will actually be taken.

🔹 5. Expect Anger — Don’t Take It Personally

“Get off my back!”“Leave me alone!”“It’s none of your business!”

These reactions are common. Remember: they are not attacking you — they are defending against fear of change.

Do not respond to anger with anger. Leave space. Return to the conversation when emotions settle. Sometimes it takes ten attempts before one conversation breaks through the wall.

🔹 6. Don’t Make the Relationship Conditional — But Set Boundaries

You can say:

🟡 “I love you, but I won’t cover up what’s happening.”
🟡 “I’m here for you, but I can’t live like this.”
🟡 “I won’t abandon you, but I need to see that you want change.”

Support should never mean hiding the consequences of addiction.

🔹 7. Seek Support for Yourself

If you are a parent, partner, or friend of someone struggling with addiction, you do not have to become their therapist.

You also deserve help.

Consider:

• family support groups (such as Al-Anon or similar programs),

• individual therapy for loved ones,

• educational resources about addiction and codependency.

The more emotionally stable you are, the more strength you have to offer real support.

🧭 Final Reflection

You may not convince someone to seek treatment in one conversation. But you can plant a seed that may grow later.

Your words, care, and consistency can become the first step on a long road toward recovery.

📞 If you are unsure how to begin, you can contact Monar in Kębliny near Łódź. Support is not only for those struggling with addiction — it is also for families who want to help but don’t know how.

You do not have to face this alone.