"He’s not using anymore, but he’s still not the same person" – Why change takes so long after stopping substance use

This is one of the most common experiences reported by families of people recovering from addiction. A loved one stops using substances — they no longer drink, take drugs, or engage in destructive behaviours — yet something still feels different. Irritability, withdrawal, low motivation, and emotional distance often appear. Families begin to wonder: “They’ve stopped using… so why is everything still so difficult?”

This stage is entirely normal. Abstinence is only the beginning, and real psychological change takes time.

 

Abstinence is not the same as recovery

Stopping substance use removes the immediate physical influence of drugs or alcohol. However, emotional regulation, thinking patterns, and interpersonal behaviours do not change overnight. Addiction shapes coping mechanisms, reactions, and relationships over time.

After stopping, a person may:

• become irritable or emotionally sensitive
• react impulsively
• struggle with emotional regulation
• avoid conversations
• experience low motivation
• feel emptiness or lack of purpose
• have sleep difficulties

This does not mean treatment is failing. It means the recovery process has just begun.

 

The emotional turbulence after stopping substances

For a long time, substances may have regulated emotions. They helped reduce tension, numb pain, increase energy, or escape from problems. Once substances are removed, the person must learn to manage emotions without this mechanism.

Common experiences include:

• tension
• frustration
• anxiety
• sadness
• anger
• emotional emptiness

This stage can be particularly difficult because these emotions were previously suppressed or masked.

 

Why the person seems “different”

Families often say: “They used to be calmer”, “They talked more”, “They were more present”. It is natural for change to be noticeable. The person in recovery is learning to function without substances, often for the first time in years.

This involves:

• learning new emotional responses
• rebuilding relationships
• developing communication skills
• facing previously avoided problems
• taking responsibility for decisions

This is a demanding psychological adjustment.

 

Why families may feel disappointed

Families frequently expect that once substance use stops, life will quickly return to normal. When this does not happen, frustration and confusion may arise.

Common thoughts include:

• “This isn’t what we expected”
• “They’ve stopped, but it’s still difficult”
• “Is the treatment really working?”
• “When will things be normal again?”

This is an important moment. Misunderstanding this stage can increase tension and unintentionally place pressure on the person in recovery.

 

How long does real change take?

There is no single timeline. Recovery is individual and depends on many factors:

• duration of addiction
• type of substance
• mental health condition
• family support
• therapeutic engagement
• motivation for change

Meaningful change typically occurs gradually and may take months or longer. This is normal and expected.

 

Why therapy remains essential after stopping

Stopping substance use addresses the physical aspect of addiction, but emotional and behavioural patterns remain. Therapy helps individuals:

• understand addiction mechanisms
• develop emotional regulation skills
• rebuild relationships
• improve self-esteem
• reduce relapse risk
• build a stable life without substances

This phase is where long-term recovery is built.

 

What helps families during this stage?

Understanding that change takes time is crucial. Helpful approaches include:

• patience
• calm communication
• realistic expectations
• support instead of pressure
• caring for one’s own wellbeing
• seeking professional guidance when needed

This period may be challenging, but it is a vital part of recovery.

 

Monar Kębliny – support throughout the recovery process

Recovery does not end with stopping substance use. It is the beginning of a deeper process of emotional and behavioural change. At the Monar centre in Kębliny near Łódź, individuals work on rebuilding relationships, managing emotions, and creating a stable life without substances.

The therapeutic programme includes:

• individual therapeutic work
• group therapy
• community-based support
• learning everyday functioning
• rebuilding relationships
• preparation for life after treatment

Change is possible — but it requires time, patience, and support.